Colchester Bereavement Support Group, Nova Scotia, Canada

What Do I Do Now? What Others Have Told Us
A Resource Guide for Persons Who Have
Experienced the Death of a Loved One
Table of Contents

LISTEN
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my
problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen
not talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 10 cents will get both Dear Abby and
Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I am not helpless
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what
I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to
convince you and can get about the business of
understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't
need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand
what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some
people because God is mute, and He doesn't give advice or
try to fix things. "They" just listen and let you
work it out for yourself.
So, please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to
talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you.
"Anonymous"

Whst Do I Do Now? logo What Do I Do Now?
A Resource Guide for Persons Who Have
Experienced the Death of a Loved One
Table of Contents